Losing a loved one can be devastating and finding the right words to say to someone who has recently lost a loved one can be complicated.
It’s incredibly hard to watch someone you care about in pain. We want to offer suggestions for how to make it better, fix it, and make the pain go away.
You cannot remove the pain for someone who has had a loss but as strange as it may seem, trying not to make it better actually makes it better.
Supporting someone during the grieving process is simpler than it seems. Here are some ways to do that:
- Acknowledge their sorrow – The words “I’m so sorry” are the best words you can say. Acknowledge someone’s grief and give them a safe space to talk if they want to in their own way.
- Be present – Sometimes someone in the grieving process needs to know they are not alone. Sit together in silence if that is what they require. You can provide comfort by simply being with them and listening to what they say – or don’t need to say.
- Show your support through gestures or actions – Offer to help with a task. Pick up groceries, do the laundry, take the dog for a walk.
- Be accepting and understanding – Processing through grief is a complicated process that could last for weeks, months, or years. There is no time limit on grieving and no set way that one should deal with grief.
- Continue to provide your support – Sometimes the grieving process lasts the rest of their life. However, most people offer sympathy and support soon after someone’s passing and eventually move on with their lives. It can be comforting to reach out to someone after the first few weeks or months.
What to say when someone dies:
- You can tell them how much you will miss the person who has passed or share some of your memories of them.
- You don’t need to wait for the person to bring up the subject of the deceased person. Instead, ask them about one of their favorite memories or what they liked best about the person.
- Treat the grieving person like a person. Speak directly, and don’t sugarcoat things.
What not to say when someone dies:
- It’s for the best.
- They’re in a better place now.
- You can always have another child/find another partner.
- This will make you stronger.
- At least you had them for as long as you did.
- Everything happens for a reason.
Being sensitive and authentic will allow you to connect more deeply with the mourner. Your love, acceptance and understanding will be the things that last.
Reflection: Try to remember a time in your life when you had a loss and one thing someone said that remained with you.
Today’s Practice: Remember you don’t have to be clever or wise or say the “right” thing to a mourner. You just have to be real.
Thank you so much for these reflections on how to be supportive to those we care about who are going through the grieving process. These thoughtful suggestions reminded me of the gift of simply being with someone – so powerful. We don’t need to fix. We don’t need to advise. We just need to be with them.