It can be very easy to want to dive in and get everything taken care of so that it’s off our plates, or on the flip side, go into overwhelm and not do any of it. It can be tempting to ignore anything that feels like an obstacle, and just keep sailing on. Starting a project and getting a few things done can start chipping away and inspire you to continue. For example, I grew up in a family where we cleaned the house and did the laundry once a week. The dishes were always done after every meal. Papers were organized, and the garden was maintained to breathtaking beauty.
It begins with the stripping away of all the holiday trappings, usually on the first day of the year, but sometimes the following weekend. Red and green are packed away to be replaced with calming pastels - tranquil blues and creams - punctuated with bursts of color (turquoise, lime green, orange) that are like visual bubbles of delight. They lack the audacity of Valentine reds, purple, and pink, and aren't quite as vivid as the colors of spring and summer, but they feel light and positive when compared to the muted light and bare trees outside.
When you've piled so many things on your plate and those days happen, defeat can be brutal. We've all experienced it, which can rock us off our feet. Creating resilience is essential. So too, are compassion and acceptance — both with yourself and with others.
Know yourself, become aware of your limits, and honor them. Those around you reap the rewards as well.
Balmy summer afternoons seem made for these quieter pursuits, a twist on the traditional siesta of the Latin world. I have strong memories of sharing the front porch with my grandmother on summer days, each of us with a glass of iced tea and a book, magazine, or crossword puzzle. I remember the feel of the condensation cooling my hand when I gripped my glass, and I remember the soft background noises that were ever present: cicadas, lawn sprinklers, small children playing, the occasional barking dog.
Overwhelm can cause mistakes. Slowing down a bit avoids pitfalls (as much as possible). Those thoughts are worth much more than mere pennies if they are cared for properly - just don't let them swamp you. When you multi-task, although it seems like you'll get more done, you actually lose productivity by dividing your attention.
I recently found a different way. The caregiving after-effects can run long and deep. Just when you think you've got it neatly tucked away, it whirls back up like a tornado. Perhaps it's the 7th anniversary of mom passing, approaching along with the recent (and somewhat unpleasant) dealings of my brother's estate when he passed late last year. Perhaps, it's those little, tiny emotions that are tucked neatly in the back of my psyche that, even though I continue my practices, were still knocking. None of this was ruining my life, days, or decisions, but it was a constant, subtle, poke or prickle.
I pose a question for you. What is the priority in your life at this moment? Is it making a difference in the world, finding your true love, gaining peace at work, losing five pounds? Or perhaps your mind is filled with the effects of COVID still raging through our lives, the aftermath of the holiday bustle, thinking forward about taxes…. You feel it coming: the wave of angst; the tension, the wrestling in your sleep, the snapping for no reason.
None of us knows what the future holds, and one thing that this past year has brought into even more focus for me is being in the present moment. Where you have power is NOW. Stop speed dialing through your to-do list and pause. Stop replaying what has already taken place and move forward. The wrangling during the night about conversations you wish had gone differently, the chances you didn't take, the flashback to years ago, none of these are events that can be changed.
The holidays are upon us, which adds yet another layer of responsibilities. Whether it's baking cookies or coordinating a gift for your mom from the family, this time of year has its own pressure. Or perhaps it's navigating the grief of a loved one no longer with you. All of this can have an additional impact this time of year. Speaking to a friend about this recently, we referred to this as "emotional whiplash." You might feel emotions and deep-seated feelings that others won't understand, side by side with the demands of what needs to be done.