Though often unrecognized, fear stands in our way like a brick wall. It blocks us from conversations and leads us to assume the worst possible outcome. Which fear is it? There are several: Fear of the unknown? Yes. Fear of becoming the same man himself later in life? Very likely. Fear of his father dying and then turning back later wishing he had done something differently? Absolutely.
I started a practice back then that I continue today; I keep a gratitude journal and every day I write down at least five things that I am grateful for first thing in the morning. It helps set the tone for my day to walk in with grace rather than…oh gosh, today I’ve got to…….”.
A strong, loving woman that gave so much to life and others told me two days later that cancer returned with a vengeance, and she had less than six months to live.
When I was a caregiver for years for my mom and brother, I realized I was in uncharted territory, but the moment I connected with other caregivers, my life shifted. Whether it was hearing about emotional issues or discussing navigating healthcare, the connection piece became a powerful lifesaver. That experience is the core of why I started Breathing Spaces years ago. I wanted to offer a connection for others from a place of understanding, and the knowledge that voices must be heard, and stories must be told.
Anything that you can do, even the smallest of things can make a significant difference. Fill up your cup, calm the monkey mind because it increases your reactivity and decreases human error when caring for your loved one, your family, and yourself.
Instantly I'm ten years old, sitting on the ancient beige chintz sofa in my grandparents' den, racing with my grandfather to see which of us could answer first, while my grandmother made comments about which of us should know the answer. I didn't know, then, that their daily viewing of this television show was part of my grandmother's attempt to ensure that my grandfather's brain remained stimulated and active.
At the last pier, there was a bench where we would sit and overlook the boat launch. Sometimes, we'd see people carefully backing their cars toward the water, guiding the boat trailer until there was enough draft to release the vessel, and sometimes we saw the process in reverse, as folks pulled their craft out and got them hitched up on the tow trailer again.
Food isn't just something to feed the body, the social aspect of cooking and dining with family and friends stimulates conversation and memory. The scent of fresh bread could trigger a memory of the first time my grandfather experimented with raisin bread, and that memory might lead to my grandmother sharing that he used to bring her gladiolas in metal buckets "just because."
The unpredictability of caregiving can set us up to be on our toes for what might come next, but when we find ourselves in a bit of overwhelm, the small things can start adding up. Before we know it, the little things have become issues to be reconciled.
Practicing gratitude balances your emotional well being, and you can help others through it.