I sit here, waiting on news about my boyfriend's father in the emergency room at Starbucks - hot cocoa in hand. Living through a scenario that began last night, I've been through many times before with my parents. A coughing spell led to chest congestion that he swears he didn't have. When he came close to falling last night, it became clear that at the age of ninety-one, a trip to the doctor would be in order.
Speak your feelings when situations occur rather than letting them rise like yeast in bread! The other person may not even notice what is happening with you - not intending to cause you any harm or anger - so, speaking up can quickly clear the air. If you're hurt, say it. Don't let it fester. Something else will happen, and then suddenly, there will be an emotional explosion!
I recently found a different way. The caregiving after-effects can run long and deep. Just when you think you've got it neatly tucked away, it whirls back up like a tornado. Perhaps it's the 7th anniversary of mom passing, approaching along with the recent (and somewhat unpleasant) dealings of my brother's estate when he passed late last year. Perhaps, it's those little, tiny emotions that are tucked neatly in the back of my psyche that, even though I continue my practices, were still knocking. None of this was ruining my life, days, or decisions, but it was a constant, subtle, poke or prickle.
What if I challenged you to try something new today? Disrupt the cycle. Pay extra attention to the tiny details: the flowers popping up seemingly out of nowhere, a smile on a child's face, the older man giving his wife a smooch. Noticing those simple moments can slow your racing heart and mind by creating a positive shift.
The holidays are upon us, which adds yet another layer of responsibilities. Whether it's baking cookies or coordinating a gift for your mom from the family, this time of year has its own pressure. Or perhaps it's navigating the grief of a loved one no longer with you. All of this can have an additional impact this time of year. Speaking to a friend about this recently, we referred to this as "emotional whiplash." You might feel emotions and deep-seated feelings that others won't understand, side by side with the demands of what needs to be done.
All of this can chip away at your emotions over time. The emotional outcome might be feelings of failure, worthlessness, hopelessness, or any other emotion. Perhaps your head ends up filled with thoughts like, "I'll never be able to…" or "If only I had…." It's understandable. All of it. And the things your mind keeps chattering at you only serve to distract and exhaust you.
A strong, loving woman that gave so much to life and others told me two days later that cancer returned with a vengeance, and she had less than six months to live.
Fall brings on a sense of change and is a time of year that I look forward to. I am in awe of the colors changing, and the temperatures getting cooler gives me a nudge to turn inwards. A time of reflection and the ability to clear out what is no longer serving me.
Murphy's Law warns us: "Anything that can go wrong will go wrong." That is a mindset that many people carry with them; is that you, too? It's easy enough to do when you've hit your limit of things on your to-do list or experienced a series of negative events. But here's a different perspective I would like you to consider: When things appear to be going wrong, what if they're going right?
Anything that you can do, even the smallest of things can make a significant difference. Fill up your cup, calm the monkey mind because it increases your reactivity and decreases human error when caring for your loved one, your family, and yourself.