We talk so much about caring for our beloved elders, our extremely young family members, and our loved ones who have special needs, that sometimes we forget about one of the most common variations of family caregiver: those who are caring for our partners. I like to think of this kind of care as a different dialect within the language of love.
Much like a tornado, the storm of overwhelm can rage up from nowhere and blow you off your feet. Much like a hurricane the emotions and energy that occur when we are near our breaking point are powerful and chaotic. Becoming in tune with our feeling - emotional, physical, and spiritual - is a crucial balancing mechanism providing the early warning signal that tells us things are mounting up. As with intense weather systems, it is critical that we prepare: we must find that balance before the emotional storm takes over.
There are three stages of transitions: Letting Go of the Old Way, the In-Between, and Accepting the New Way. These stages are not linear and logical. We move back and forth, they overlap, are fluid and sometimes we have several transitions going on at one time.
It's a dilemma we all have as the people we love age, move out of their homes and into ours (or care homes) and eventually die. On the one hand, those family treasures are imbued with a ton of meaning. On the other, they're just things, and keeping a clock or a table or even my stepfather's collection of science and match textbooks doesn't make my memories any stronger, just as donating or selling these things won't diminish them.
Your life as a caregiver and your loved ones are under a microscope of caution and concern, with high emotions. So striking a balance, finding a way to some sense of calm is even more critical now than ever.
Just as you would prepare a meal with a recipe, your daily living could use a bit of a method. The real power that any of us has is in the present moment.
As I walk into the nearby medical facility for my annual physical, memories come through like videos from past visits there for both my Mom and Dad.
On this day of the eclipse, I think about the darkness that happens. Albeit for a short period, it gives a surreal look to the world around us.
Have you heard of ‘sneaker waves’? They are an unanticipated coastal waves that are much greater in force and height than the waves preceding it.
Mendocino is such a peaceful location filled with awe around every corner, such a beautiful ‘breathing space.' I met such nice people while I was there last year, and one woman, in particular, touched me with her spirit and story.